hello....

Hey everybody, this is my first time writing something more about me. I hope I can share it with anybody who’s reading it and hear comments about it…….

I am a 20 year old Chinese-Baba gal now exploring university life in UKM taking Business. What can I say more?? I think I do enjoy life in this university but, honestly I regret that I had chosen this university from the first because I’m interested in doing Accountancy rather than Business. I can say nothing but blaming myself for not doing further research about the education system in this university.

After striving hard for one semester, I found that actually Business is not that bad after all. And I start to think a lot about what interest me more. I still could not make up my mind but what I know for sure is that I would not want to have regrets in my life. So, all I can I do now is to accept and go on enjoying my university life.
No worries!!

Looking back to the past…………

Before entering the university, I admit that I’m an introvert. I do not mix so much and tend to be in my own world. I think it is ME that keep me “grounded” and at that time, I’m always alone. Perhaps it is the past that keeps me locked. When I was at my pre-university in Malacca High School, all I can comment about myself is that I always maintain a low profile.

And when I finally realized the dark side of me and had the thought of changing, problems strikes. I had no chance because at the same time my family is facing a critical financial crisis. I had to work and help my Dad with his debt. So coincidently, my Mom left me and my family to Sarawak. She then began a new life there. I have no idea why would she make such decision. My two younger sisters and a younger brother are all so young and innocent. Losing a Mom is a hardest thing on earth!! My STPM examination is around the corner too. I do not know what to do?? I do not know how to handle all the problems simultaneously. I pray to God and ask him to guide me. I knew I could not give up on my studies. And also, I could not give up on my family. The pressures I felt was indescribable. It kept me breathless all the time.

Soon, I force myself to adapt with the “new” environment. I’m not God, nor Angels. I’m just Sheny. I may do mistakes and I could not make wise decisions with my immature thinking at that moment. There are times I feel that running away is the best solution. Hiding the truth will keep me going on. Thanks to my friends, Jeslyn and Amy. They did not give up on me. They supported me morally and guided me through the difficult time. They asked me to hold on. However, I knew that they could not be with me all the time. I have to stand on my own feet. I have to help my beloved Dad. I have to take care and handle the broken family with love. I have to strive for the best in STPM examination.

After STPM, I felt better because my burden is lesser. But, my family problems are still not solved. Quarrels between my parents always keep me and my siblings down. As the eldest, I must be stronger! So, I have to continue working, give my Dad the best solution in handling the financial crisis and be a “mother” of my 3 younger siblings. All the way through my tough life, I learnt a lot. I appreciate everything that I had gained.
I’m grateful to my mom for abandoning me; it led me to be more independent.
I’m grateful to my dad for giving me so much problems; it led me to act wisely.
I’m grateful to God for all the obstacles; I am no more little Sheny.

Slowly, I started to understand myself more. And now, I’m already in University. Though the financial crisis is still there and it will be there for a long time, I feel I’m more prepared to face it.

When I am used to the “new” environment of my life, at the same time, I grab every opportunity to meet new people. I wanted to improve. I do not want to be “grounded” by myself like I always do. I wanted to taste the freedom that I have.

Soon, I can feel a big change in myself. I am a little different than what I am previously. I started to be a lively cheerful person. I love to be with people and to attract their attention. And I think it is good. Do you?

I am really happy that in my life, I met so many good friends. Fion, Henry, and others… Thanks to you all. You had brightened up my life. Though now my entire best pals were separated to their own destiny, I’m still glad that they did not give up on me. I love you all!!

Not forgetting the new friends that I met in UKM. My course mates, my com mates and others… Thanks for being part of my life. Now, I am really grateful to God for what I have now.

“I lose a lot…, but I regained more than I what that I had lost…
Believe it….. I really do…”

A “poem” that I wanted to share with you…….


I was waiting so long for a miracle…
Everyone told me to be strong,
“Hold on. Don’t shed a tear.”
Through the darkness and cruel time,
I know I can make it through…
Because….
I believe I will be touched by an Angel…

And now,
I do believe,
Because…
When it was all dark, now I saw light,
When there was pain, now there is joy…